Faith Contemplated

   If you've ever been obedient to some specific direction from God, you've probably reached a point after that obedient moment where you wondered when you'd get the payoff.  I think this is the obvious expectation when we do what God tells us.  In my own life, when God told me to move to my present home of Amarillo, Texas from Anchorage, Alaska, I expected there was a reason or reasons behind the directive.  Maybe a particular job, a certain house, a specific friend.  Some big Work I could do that would teach me something, or lead to more Works or a definitive future.  Purpose, essentially.  My expectations reflected my lack of direction, but really I'm just like all of you in that I figured I'd get some distinct payoff for being obedient.

   It took faith to move here, so I have that feather in my cap.  And I've garnered some proper perspective in the four years since that directive from God, and I'm a little more clearsighted about it all.  My expectations have been dashed a few times; in the end I had to scrap my expectations.  But I've still got the faith.

   It's difficult to extricate our faith from our expectations.  Even though we know God is good, when what we expect doesn't come about after we're obedient, our faith can wane.  Why is that?  You can know all about what God is - faithful, good, love, gracious, giving - and still it's hard to get past unrealized expectations.  It's discouraging to see people of faith foundering instead of succeeding, or getting rich, or healing the world.  Faith in God seems like it should be arithmetical: the sum of your faith adds up to big accomplishments.  Doesn't the scripture say that God gives abundantly?  The images of faith in the scripture are usually those of fecundity and wealth, rich pastures and full rivers, sheep on a thousand hillsides.  We expect payoff for our obedience because that's what the Bible tells us.

The questions we have to ask ourselves about faith in God are these: would it be worth it if He never gave us anything else?  Would faith in God be worthwhile if our dreams weren't realized?  If our expectations from here to death were consistently dashed?  If the only payoff you get for faith in the Lord is salvation, is that going to be enough for you?

Before you blanch at that last questions, aghast and offended that I could even ask, really think about it.  Nobody wants a life of suffering.  Worse possibly than that is a life of mediocrity; nobody wants that either.  So it's not a silly question to ask if salvation is enough, because, assuming you receive salvation early or in the middle of life, you've got a lot of suffering you can do before you pass on to paradise.  At some point in life I think we all ask ourselves if it's worth it to us.  Sometimes we contemplate the question directly.  Other times indirectly; we just stop living like it's worth it, answering the question with our complacence.  It's a good question to ask, though.  I think the Lord asks it of us, often more than once.  Who of us has answered that question in the positive the first time it's asked?

It's a tough question, and a friend of mine posed it to himself without realizing it.  He posed it to me without realizing it, too, but neither of us answered it in the course of that conversation.  For his part, he's waiting for the payoff.  For my part, I've answered the question before and even today would still answer yes.  My life is pretty good right now, so my answer may come easily, but I think I will always have a "yes" on my lips.  I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and that makes a difference.  And I've discovered something about what Jesus did, discovered that thing that each of us has to find out on our own: that he did it for me.  That he loves me uniquely.  That he died for my sake, at the same time he died for everyone everywhere.  And that it was enough.  The Blood of Jesus is enough.

I'm not done contemplating faith, either in this forum or in my own heart.  "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen" (Hebrews 11:1, NKJV).  If at some point I can't see the substance or evidence of faith in my own life, I'll have to ask myself that Big Question again about whether it's worth it.  The true answer is that of course it's worth it, but that's not always our honest answer, and God's not upset by our honest answers.  He prefers honest answers.  And in case the honest answer on your lips is "No," let me just encourage you by saying that it is worth it.  Hear me say that and sit with it and then get on with life, but let this Truth go with you: it is worth it.  Have faith in that.